Austria’s health minister Rudolf Anschober resigned today (April 13), in the middle of a “third wave” of coronavirus infections. During an emotional press conference, Anschober said he is too burnt out and exhausted to carry on after a grueling 15 months.
Austria isn’t the only country to have lost its top health official this year. Since February the health ministers of Argentina, Ecuador, Peru, Jordan, Brazil, and Slovakia have all stepped down due to scandals or political differences. Anschober is the first to do so explicitly for health reasons; he said he had already taken sick leave twice because of blood-pressure problems. “In the worst health crisis in decades the republic needs a health minister who is 100% fit,” he told reporters. “That is not currently me.”
Kudos to him for admitting that being health minister in a pandemic is physically and emotionally taxing work that not everyone is cut out for. While Anschober has already been replaced, we’ve put together a short description of the skills aspiring health ministers worldwide will need for the world’s worst job.
Health minister wanted
Job Title: Scapegoat-in-Chief
Location: Out of the frying pan and into the fire
Salary: However much your dignity is worth
There are certain things we expect from any successful health minister (meaning one that lasts longer than 19 days). They are:
What to do
😴You should get no more than 3 hours of sleep per night. If by any chance you get more, guilt should keep you awake instead.
🦠You might catch Covid-19. It’s just part of the job. Hopefully we’re one of those countries with universal healthcare.
🔪When your head of state makes bad decisions you should take the blame—even if their supporters threaten your life.
☠️ In fact, you should probably get used to death threats. If you’re lucky, we’ll provide you with police protection.
🔥Expect to get fired. Some of us are on our fourth health minister by now. It builds character!
What not to do
🤚🏻Expect praise for a job well done. You might get an embarrassing nickname though.
🚨Break public health rules. It will look bad.
💰Give public health procurement contracts to your former neighbor or your spouse’s employer. Again, it might look bad.
🤬Insult opposition politicians. Seriously.
⭐️Take part in a large-scale scheme to help VIPs skip the vaccine line. You will get fired. And your successor too.
How to apply
If you’ve reviewed these qualifications and are still interested in the position, we will waive the entire application and interview process and just beg you to go ahead and show up on Monday.